Live? Love? Life?

He broke the silence with a high-pitched cry. He was the only source of sound in the gloomy room. He should’ve not been born, she thought. He shouldn’t have the right to avail the air the rest of us breathe. He is an unwanted person. He was the product of an accident. He must not live. But still, she carried the child in her arms…but she felt nothing; no connection. As if the kid was a total stranger. Maybe that was it; he was a mere nobody to the mother’s life. Then her thoughts wandered to her past.

The sky was overcast; threatening to rain. They were outside the school, waiting for a jeepney to ride them home. Then droplets started falling. Students ran to the only shed which became jam-packed immediately. She was quite unlucky. She was situated in the middle of the crowd; in the middle of a mixture of scents, some fragrant and some you wouldn’t want to smell.

“S’cuse me,” a guy kept saying. She recognized the voice. “S’cuse me,” she heard again but now nearer. Then the woman in front of her stepped aside and her boyfriend appeared. He was in his uniform, but it was gaped open revealing his black undershirt which was kind of hot. He was good looking; his features were that of an actor.

“Going home?” he asked, “I had our driver called.” She nodded. And they both found their way out of the sea of sweaty bodies. They got in to the boy’s car and they sped off…to the boy’s home.

They were in her boyfriend’s room; only the two of them. She was sitting on the edge of the bed; he was standing in front of her. He said his parents won’t be home until 10 pm. He was planning to the deed; the “S” deed, that is.

“I think I’m not ready,” she said.

“Oh stop those ‘I’m not ready’ arguments of yours. You’ll eventually do it in the future. What’s the difference of tasting heaven now?”

“If I say yes, will you use rubber?”

“Condom you mean? Forget it.”

“Why?”

He was quite annoyed now. “Because it reduces the feeling!”

“What feeling?”

He threw his hands up in the air, like he was giving up on the girl’s ignorance on such matter. “We have to do it so you may know!”

                She just stared at him. She really didn’t know.

Then her boyfriend came closer, his lips next to her ears. He muttered something like, “Curious now, aren’t you?” She nodded. She didn’t know why, but she knew he grinned.

                Then her boyfriend started kissing her neck; pushed her down the bed. He removed his uniform, then his undershirt. She started unbuttoning hers. And indeed, she felt heaven despite the cold atmosphere created by the brewing storm outside.

                Two months after, she didn’t feel heavenly anymore. She was pregnant. When her parents knew, they scolded her. They advised her to abort the baby but she refused. She doesn’t want to kill him. She knew it’s wrong, totally wrong. After a few minutes, everybody in the room was crying. Then at school, she was the center of attention. It wasn’t fame; you could say infamy. Every time she walks through the school’s corridors, everybody stares at her and say, “Did you hear? She’s pregnant.” It hurts her all the time. And the worse part, her boyfriend migrated to the United States, leaving her and her baby alone.

                And after nine months, here she was, sitting in a bed cradling in her arms the fruit of a great mistake, of stupidity, of curiosity. How she will raise him while studying, she had no idea. Then there was a knock in the door. Her mother opened it. It was raining hard outside, just like the day they did the deed. Lightning flashed and she saw the silhouette of a couple. They were talking with her mother, something about a sale. They handed a thick envelope to her mother and she immediately approached the girl. Her mother stretched her arms to receive something from her.

                She gave her the child, looking away and closing her eyes as she did. She wiped a tear that trickled down her cheek. I do not know him. He’s nobody to me. The baby kept crying even as he was given to the couple waiting outside. She felt guilt. But it was the only way. Her family can’t keep him.

                When her mother closed the door, she still heard the baby’s high-pitched cry. Then there was the sound of engine starting and a car driving away. The gloomy room went silent. And it was deafening.